


Stop the World

by Graverobber141



Series: Ace "Maverick" Shepard [2]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-10
Updated: 2016-12-24
Packaged: 2018-04-25 16:17:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 11,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4967752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Graverobber141/pseuds/Graverobber141
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A warrior carrying the burden of the galaxy's fate upon his shoulders. A former convict trying to redefine her place in the universe. They're separated by star systems, a war that means extinction if lost, and their duties. They fight for each other, and hope, against all odds, that they will see each other on the other side, through the smoke and ash. </p>
<p>Sequel to Crying Lightning, focusing on the events of ME3.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue: Conquest of Spaces

**_Fourteen years ago..._ **

**_New York City, North America, Earth._ **

****

He sat alone in a pitch black room, the only light coming the the end of his cigarette, burning away to leave nothing but ash. His foot tapped against the wooden planks of the floor, impatiently and nervously. The cops had been sniffing, ever since the leak. They wanted somebody, anybody, and they wanted his legacy, but he wouldn't give it up. No, never.  
  
A pistol sat in his lap, loaded and ready. He would never go without a fight, and he knew the clock was ticking. His time was running out.  
  
"Fenrir?"  
  
He didn't hear him approach, and stood quickly to aim into the darkness. He almost fired, but he made out the silhouette just in time. Gavin Ashton, his right-hand man, here for one last fight, one last blood bath. Better to go down fighting. "You should know better by now. I was wondering when you'd fucking show."  
  
"I always take my time." Gavin smiled like the snake he was, and tipped his hat. "We're still in this, you know. If we can control the investigation, how far the police dig."  
  
"Fucking typical," he laughed, turning his back to approach the window. He stared out at the moon, hidden behind the towering skyscrapers of NYC, and took a long drag from his cigarette. "Always looking to get ahead."  
  
"Always," Gavin repeated.  
  
A second later, he felt cool, sharp metal against his throat. And then pain, burning pain across his neck. He fell onto his knees, holding his hands against the cut as he felt his own warm blood drip across his fingers. Darkness licked at his vision, and he struggled against his final fate.  
  
"I'll kill you," he tried to say. "I'll fucking kill." Nothing came out.  
  
'I am Fenrir,' he thought. 'I am King. I made you all.'  
  
'You owe me.'  
  
And they paid their debt in treachery. But wasn't that just how these things went?   
  
He heard footsteps, and saw flames began to catch inside the warehouse. So this is how it was to end.  
  
"Goodbye, Ace." Gavin looked down at him like a scarecrow with a hollow face. Cold, calculating, traits Fenrir always praised, traits he preached. "We had to give up someone. It's just...business." And then Judas was gone, and he was left alone in his thoughts, slipping slowly away.  
  
'I loved you.'

\---------------------

Empires never last. Even Rome fell. Centuries of inner destruction left it as prey to be obliterated by little more than barbarians. And all gods eventually fell, it seemed. In myth or by time.

And the clock just ticked away.

Yesterday, he was...Oh, how to describe what he was? More than a simple drug dealer. More than a simple drug lord, even. He was the incarnation of what people were afraid to admit that they were. He was every dark thought repressed into the deepest reaches of the mind. He was an idea that survival was an action, not a word. There was no justification for living; just the living. Morals were invented. Justice was invented. Survival was the only thing that was real...And he was the apex predator. He was Fenrir.

Yesterday. And today, he was some kid lying about his age in a bar. Empty, hollow. He saw the world without the tint of his version of red sand, Blackfire, and it was...dull. Old pains came back. And he couldn't bury anything anymore...He couldn't reach for the old thoughts that made him Fenrir.

Clean, they called it. Fuck clean. Yet he didn't want dirty, and he hated that the most of all. So here he was, sitting in the liar's chair and wearing a crown of shit, as Trent Reznor once put it.

"I don't think staring into an empty bottle, no matter how intensely, makes your problems go away, son." The voice came from next to him. Some old bastard in an Alliance uniform had claimed the seat next to his.

He grunted. "You'd be surprised."

The soldier chuckled before ordering a drink. "You have a fresh cut on your cheek, kid. What exactly do you do?"

"Librarian," he grumbled out. It was the first thing that came to mind, sarcastic thing, besides telling his unwanted companion to go fuck himself.

"Didn't know books and datapads could be so dangerous." The guy just couldn't take a hint.

"You'd be surprised," he repeated with just as much disinterest as before.

"You know, son, I get that life can deal you a shitty hand." The soldier picked up his drink, which had just come, and swung it back. "But when do you ever play poker with a shitty hand, and try not to get new cards?" He placed the glass down, left a few credits, and left.

Leaving Shepard alone in silence. Staring into an empty glass. Thinking.

"Ah, fuck." He stood from his bar seat and waved down the tender. "You know were the closest Alliance recruitment station is?"

****

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

_**Four years later...** _

_**Elysium. Skyllian Blitz.** _

 

Shepard felt the young girl's fingers clenching the back of his shirt, desperately clinging to him. Her terrified whimpering was barely audible over the sound of the approaching ships, firing bullets, and the ringing still echoing in his ears from a barely missed shot to his head. He felt her tears, though, dripping down his shirt like a small waterfall. The child was petrified. Before today, she never knew what war was. Now, she'd be scarred with it for the rest of her life.   
  
They didn't stand a chance, and it only took a few minutes for the off-duty marines that had been enjoying a few drinks at the Elysian Plains Hotel to be overrun. Someone had seen the ships, ran inside to scream at the others, and Shepard had secured a comms radio to send a warning across the colony. In the time that had taken, the hotel had been stormed, and Shepard fought tooth and nail to briefly clear the room. That's when he found the girl, sprayed with blood, and near two bodies he assumed were her parents. He had snapped his fingers, demanding in a gruff voice, "Come. Come! Now!"  
  
He didn't do shit like this. Carrying this child was slowing him down. He was running towards the main settlement, which would be sure to suffer the brunt of the attack, instead of away from it. If he found a ship, he could slip off and be gone without a second thought. Assumed KIA. But he wasn't going to do that. Instead he was running, making his heart pound in his chest, adrenaline flood his veins, and his lungs go into overdrive to provide his body with oxygen.   
  
Goddamnit, was he stupid.   
  
He had no idea how long he had been running, or how far he had traveled, but he knew if it wasn't for the chemicals circulating his blood, he would've collapsed a while ago. Thankfully, he could see Illyria getting closer and closer, and it looked as if the city was setting up a barricade. At least his warning message had gotten through. He just hoped they would recognize him as a friendly.   
  
He slipped past the walls, past the soldiers standing guard, past the colonists arming themselves, and to the medical tents that were being set up deeper in.  
  
"Are we safe now?"  
  
His eyes shot down to the girl, who was looking up at him like he had all the answers. He ran his tongue over the back of his teeth, stalling for a reply. He had to keep himself from shaking his head 'no' as he grunted, "For now."  
  
He carried her to a doctor, handing her over. "Check her out. Make sure she's okay."  
  
"Is she yours?" He was asked.  
  
"No."  
  
"Where are her parents?"  
  
The look he gave, under a blood-stained brow, was explanation enough.   
  
"I'll take care of her."  
  
"Good." He started to walked off, but the girl reached out and grabbed his hand.  
  
She looked at him with her blue eyes, pleading in a soft voice, "Don't leave me. Please."  
  
He didn't know what to do. He was paralyzed. It took a few seconds for him to reply, and he patted her hair as he did so. "It's okay. I've got to go save some others now. You'll be safe with the doc. All right?"  
  
"All right," she whispered.  
  
He nodded, and waded off into the crowd. He was tired, but he knew the real storm was about to come.  
\---------------

It felt like a dream, like at any second he could wake up and find himself stuffed under a blanket, in a ratty old bar, back on Earth. Perhaps it was more of a lie, an illusion to keep who he really was hidden. But even if he was faking it, he was doing good, right? Didn't actions speak louder than words, and weren't they more important than motives?

He had never even been near this level of society. Now he stood at ease, facing all of the Alliance Parliament. The President stood at his side, and handed him the plaque, smiling. It looked practiced. No surprise; he expected that from a politician. Admiral Hackett was the one to pin the Star of Terra onto his freshly pressed uniform. He had a sterner expression, but the look in his eyes...pure pride. No one's ever looked at Shepard like that before. At least, not for a long time.

The young soldier turned his attention to one of the screens that was broadcasting the event live. He could see himself standing tall in his freshly pressed dress blues, under the banner: "Lieutenant Shepard: Savior of Elysium, War Hero of the Blitz".  
  
He still didn't quite believe that. To be honest, during the Blitz, he had rushed into battle to search for a silence to bring him peace. But, he was starting to think that...  
  
Maybe he didn't have to be the bad guy.  
  


********  
_  
_


	2. Prisoner

**_Ten years later..._**

**_Vancouver, North America, Earth._ **

 

"This kind of action cannot be allowed to stand. The former Commander acted without Alliance authority. He is a defector. We cannot create a precedent of letting traitors walk free."

Shepard rolled a pencil to the edge of the desk, leaning it slightly over the side. He snapped it off into the air, and grabbed it again before it could fly across the room. The current Admiral that was spitting on his name gave him the evil eye. The lady next to him, his 'legal advisor', subtly slammed his hand down into the table. That was a clear message: stop.

"He should be court-martialed," the Admiral continued. "I don't know what we're waiting for. We know what he did. He almost started a damn war. We all know how this ends. Let's just get it over with."

Shepard's eyebrow twitched. He was about to open his mouth, but his legal advisor gave him a look. He settled back into his chair, drumming on the desk impatiently. This was bullshit.

The current Admiral speaking, the oh so glorious coward Hutcherson, had always hated Shepard. The man was practically drooling at the opportunity to step all over the Commander. Figured. He'd never take him in a real fight. But here in the politician's game? Different story. Fucking bastard.

All because when Elysium was attacked, the Captain at the time, had ordered Shepard to fall back and defend an Alliance point of interest. Shepard had told him to go fuck himself, and lead the other off-duty marines to arm the colonists to fight. They made a stand, and protected those who couldn't. The Admiral was still ass-hurt that Shepard got a medal and N7 recommendation out of the deal, and he had to grudgingly pay respects, even though his fragile pride had been shattered.

The 'legal advisor' waited politely until the Admiral had finished his rant before speaking, "Sir, Commander Shepard has a near perfect service record. He not only saved Elysium, but stopped Saren, and then destroyed the Collectors. It is a well-known fact that he's...a bit brash, but he did what he did in the service of humanity. There's many who have spoken on behalf of his character, including some in this room. Would you condemn a soldier for doing his duty?"

"Ha!" Hutcherson scoffed. "This man is not a soldier. He ran off to Cerberus, remember? He betrayed the Alliance, acted without orders, and killed 300,000 batarians. That blood is on his hands. And it's what happens when we allow 'soldiers' to act without the fear of consequence."

Something snapped within Shepard. His mouth opened and he couldn't stop it. "You're awfully pretty for someone who knows so much about war and consequences."

"Commander-" His advisor started to say, but Shepard cut her off.

"You want to lecture me about consequences? You? A man who claims to have served the Alliance so well, and has the face of coward who made sure only to face the ass-end of combat? It's so pretty and scarless. Like a baby's."

"You dare-" the Admiral started to growl.

Shepard stood. If this turned into a yelling fight, he would be goddamn sure to win. "I've listen to my men give me their last words as they've died. I've made calls that have killed people I called brother or sister. I make those decisions, and I see their consequences in blood before my eyes. You make a decision, and you get to hide behind a fucking desk. You never see it's effects, because you're a goddamn coward. I do. I fucking do, but someone has to do it. So don't fucking lecture me on consequences. Sir." The last word was filled with much sarcasm it dripped with venom.

"You piece of worthless shit," the Admiral had lost his cool, and was jabbing a finger in Shepard's direction. "You call me a coward when you hid behind Cer-"

"Admiral Hutcherson. Ace Shepard." The overseer of the obviously informal hearing was quick to intervene. And he didn't use Shepard's former rank. Damn...That stung more than he thought it would. "Both of you stand down. We're dismissing for today. We'll continue these talks tomorrow."

Shepard's advisor had her face covered and was shaking her head. He frowned as the guards approached him. He lowered his head, and allowed himself to be lead back to his room without hassle.

All of this was complete and utter bullshit.

His room was more like a small apartment. It was comfortable enough, but still a cell without the bars. He had at least one guard posted outside at all times. It was more of a formality, just to make sure he didn't try to escape, even though most of the Admirals knew he wouldn't. He did turn himself in after all. The escort team he had when he wandered around the building was the same deal.

He had a lot of free time on his hands now...He spent it exercising, keeping his body sharp, building model ships, keeping his mind sharp, and, uh...learning how to cook. He had a looot of free time on his hands now, and he was actually getting pretty good at it.

Shepard was allowed very minimal contact with the outside world. Galaxy, even. For fear that he would feed information to Cerberus or bullshit. Which meant he hadn't talk to Jack since the day he relinquished command of the Normandy...

His stomach knotted up at the thought. He sat down on his bed and picked up a leather bound journal. It was old school, filled with hand-written letters to his biotic lover. The Alliance could trace anything on a datapad, but this...was personal. His. Should be hers. Damn, did he miss her...

He pulled back the cover, flipped to the first clean page, and wrote:

 

> Jack,
> 
> Told off Admiral Ass-Hat today. He wanted to preach to me about consequences. Like a politician's ass-licker like him knows about consequences...These talks aren't going anywhere. They're just wasting time. Time we don't fucking have.
> 
> I wonder where you are right now. What you're doing. What your current level of Pissed-At-That-Asshole-Shepard is. I miss you. So damn much. I...often regret not running off and playing pirate with you. Should've said, "Fuck the galaxy. It can go to hell." Would've been far better than this.
> 
> First, I imagine us hitting the moon. We would've found out a way to steal the fucking moon. And with it tagging along behind our ship, we would've gone to Illium, I think. Go spend a few days at that hotel we helped Liara ruin, eh? And hold up some rich fuckers for money. Go to Omega next, party at Afterlife, and then make our way across the galaxy. Finally...We would've found a nice, lonely planet in the middle of no-fucking-where. One with beaches and mountains. We'd go deep into the woods, find a Thresher Maw to piss off and shoot, and then make camp. Get a fire going. Make love under the stars.
> 
> I know. I'm a romantic.
> 
> But I think it over in my head, and I was going to end up here anyways. One day, I'm going to find that planet, or any planet you want, and conquer it. Just for you. But I want to make sure you'll be alive to enjoy it. That the goddamn reapers will be dead so they can't destroy it.
> 
> Whatever happens, whatever you think of me now...Fuck, just know that I love you. And I'd do anything for you. Even this bullshit parade.
> 
> Love,
> 
> That Asshole Shepard

He reread it after he wrote it, sighed, and closed the journal. He hoped he would be able to give it to her soon, but with how things were going, he seriously doubted the wishful thought. All those lives sacrificed to buy time, and that time was being fucking wasted. The Alliance was the real goddamn terrorist.

The single door that lead in and out of his prison opened, and Shepard leaned back in his seat. If he wasn't part of the Alliance anymore, there wasn't a chance in hell he was going to salute one of them. But then he saw it was Anderson walking through his door, and he stood quickly, snapping off a salute. "Councilor. It's been a while."

"Just Admiral now, son." The old soldier smiled. "I resigned from my position on the council. And is has been a while, hasn't it?"

"Damn," Shepard couldn't help but smile as he fell back down on the couch. "I did leave you with that mess, didn't I? Sorry 'bout that."

"I don't blame you," Anderson replied, taking a seat across from Shepard. "It was either me or Udina...And I heard you gave Hutcherson an earful in your hearing today."

"In my defense...He's an asshole and deserved it." The Commander couldn't wipe the grin off of his face even if he tried.

The Admiral chuckled. "Sadly, that's probably true. At least they have you set up pretty well here."

Shepard crossed his arms and scoffed. "To be quite honest, I'd prefer a damn jail cell if it meant shit would actually get done."

Anderson sighed and shook his head. "You know they can't do that. I know you did what you needed to do, but the Alliance just can't let it go. Now is not the time to fuel a war with the Terminus Systems."

Shepard bit his tongue, looking down at the ground.

"I...Just wanted to check in on you. Make sure you were doing all right." The Admiral rubbed his chin. "If you need anything..."

Shepard glanced over at the journal. "I...I'm stuck here for a while, Anderson. And there was this...woman...I became close to when I was with Cerberus. She helped me defeat the Collectors. Her name's Jack. Known as Subject Zero...Though she prefers Jack." He closed his eyes and handed his mentor the journal. "If you could get that in her hands...And just look after her for me, make sure she's taken care of...I'd...Shit, I'd owe you more than I could ever repay."

Anderson took the journal. He didn't open it, just placed it under his arm. "I'll work out something." He stood and snapped a salute. "Take care, Commander."

As the Admiral walked away, Shepard returned the salute. He had called him Commander. He smiled at that.

Fourteen years ago, Shepard had been an egotistical borderline-psychopath in a bar. Complaining about...Well, shit he shouldn't have been involved in. And that man had gave him a wake-up call with a few words. He wondered if Anderson even remembered...Recognized Shepard as that kid. Probably not.

It didn't matter. Shepard did.

 

 


	3. Love and Hate: Two Sides of the Same Coin

"Commander Shepard first made a name for himself during the Skyllian Blitz on Elysium, where he lead a resistance of colonists and off-duty marines to repel the batarian invaders until reinforcements could arrive. A few years later, he would become the first human Spectre, and defeat the rogue Spectre Saren and his geth allies."

Jack looked up from her drink at the TV screen. On the vid, they were showing a picture of the Commander in his dress blues, standing at attention. Must've been a really old picture.

"But then two years ago he supposedly died during the destruction of the SR1 Normandy. After resurfacing from his disappearance, rumors about Shepard working with Cerberus became widespread, and were later confirmed.

More rumors about the now disgraced Shepard are on the rise, since his involvement with the destruction of the batarian Bahak system. While the Alliance has released minimal details, they have taken the former Commander into custody. Later we discuss just how far Commander Shepard has fallen with-"

Like sharks to fucking blood. It was ridiculous, but at least they were keeping it civil on this station. Jack shook her head. If only they knew just how dead they would be without that "disgraced" Commander.

"They need to burn the damn bastard human," a batarian grumbled near her.

"Would serve the murderer right," another answered. "Though humans only care about their own kind. They couldn't give a shit about batarian lives."

Jack clenched her fists and kept her head down. Trying to think of something else.

"Perhaps we should get some guys together and take him out ourselves."

"Ha! Not before making him squeal  
First."

She felt a surge of electricity throughout her body. Her hand began glowing. She looked to her side-

"Jack?...Subject Zero?" A new voice. Male. Human. She flinched at the use of that damn Cerberus label, and jerked her head in the direction that it came from.

"I'm sorry, I know you don't like its use...Just want to make sure you're who I'm looking for." He was dressed in an Alliance uniform.

Jack narrowed her eyes. "And who the fuck are you?"

"David Anderson," he replied as he took a seat next to her. "I'm a friend of Shepard's. And his former CO."

"Big shot Alliance soldier?" She sneered and looked down at her drink. "Thought your type avoided places like this."

"Most of us do," he replied. "But I promised Shepard something." He slid a leather bound journal over to her.

She raised an eyebrow before flipping it open to a random page. Definitely Maverick's shitty handwriting. He had drawn two cards from a deck. A...damn cheesy jack and ace. Above it he had scribbled "Winner, winner, chicken dinner." She snorted, but couldn't help...Shit, feel it tug a bit at her chest. Manipulative, smug bastard. Even in captivity. "Could've just shipped the damn thing. Would've been easier."

"I wanted to make sure it got into your hands," Anderson said with a chuckle. "Besides...I also wanted to make you an offer."

Oh, that was funny. She laughed. "Let me make this easy for you. No. I don't want anything the damn Alliance has to offer. Fucking bureaucrats."

"Hear me out," he insisted. "I have a friend at Grissom Academy. She's looking for biotics who can teach and guide other, younger biotics. Show them how to control and use their power. It's for the Ascension Project. Ever heard of it?"

She remembered it. Shepard had mentioned it to her once...Yet teaching? That was fucking funnier. "And then the goddamn Alliance can lock me up, and write me off as a psychopath for convenience of politics too, right?"

"Shepard's case isn't that simple," Anderson went on. "We had to avoid a war...But these kids need you, Jack. You have a chance to show the galaxy that biotics should be respected as equals, not feared. You can help make their lives better. You can give these kids help you never got."

She clenched her fist. "So he told you that, huh? That I was his charity case pet? He sent you out here to fucking watch me, didn't he?"

"He told me to take care of you." Anderson replied calmly. He watched her carefully. They always did. "He cares about you a lot. And just wants to make sure you're all right."

"Then he shouldn't have left," she snarled. "He doesn't get to play soldier, run off, and keep on acting like he gives a shit." A fury of emotions were raging inside of her.

"Just think about it." He took out a pen, scribbling down a com number inside the journal. "If you decide otherwise...Just give this a call. A pleasure meeting you, Jack."

She only grunted in response, and he was gone a moment later.

Jack stormed out of the bar, walking through the streets until she arrived at the ratty ass apartment that served as her home. She threw the journal on her bed's edge before falling onto it. She ran her hands through her hair and sighed in frustration.

She understood why Maverick left. She fucking knew that it was always going to end up that way. She hated him for it. She hated the way he crawled into her head and stared there. She hated that she felt...This fucking loneliness without him. And she hated the dreams she had about him being a fucking corpse...

Those came often. And wasn't that how this was going to end? Sooner than later. When the Reapers came, they'd probably all be dead. And if by some dumb fuck luck they weren't, the sacrifice would be Maverick's.

She hated the way he made her feel, hollowing his way inside her. And yet she loved him.

She ran her fingers over the journal before rolling over in the bed, and picking up the dogtags that rested on the nightstand. She closed her eyes and slid them around her neck. He had been wearing these the first time he died. An explosion of his ship. Probably by suffocation, he had said.

Fuck it...She'd call Anderson's number tomorrow.


	4. The Evil At Our Doorstep

"Commander."

Shepard had been leaning against the window, gazing down at the outside world. The world he had saved twice. The world he had been denied for the last six months. When he heard the Lieutenant speak, he turned around to face him. "You're not supposed to call me that, Vega. Pretty sure it counts as heresy to the Alliance."

"Not supposed to salute you either." James Vega had been working as his escort for the past few months. Better than having a full guard on his ass. Besides, from what he saw, Vega was a good soldier. Didn't fall for the political bullshit. "The Defense Committee wants to speak to you. I'm supposed to lead you there."

He felt a tightening in his stomach. A dark thought at the back of his mind, like a damn shadow hovering over his head. He knew this was it. He knew this was the moment he had been waiting for. "Lead the way."

The Lieutenant nodded and they were outside the cleverly-hidden cell a moment later. People were rushing back and forth around them. It wasn't new. This was an Alliance headquarters. But...It seemed more desperate now. Panicked.

"You look good, Shepard. Hope you haven't gotten too soft." Anderson greeted them in the hallway, joining them in their stride.

Shepard grinned. "Just a bit fatter and lazier. You know what this meeting is about?"

"Admiral Hackett is mobilizing the fleet. Orders from Alliance Command. Something big is on its way," the Admiral responded.

"The Reapers?" Shepard asked, but he knew the answer already.

"We don't know."

Bullshit. "You know it's the Reapers. And the Committee isn't going to do shit. We need to ready the cannons and call in the Calvary. We need to get ready to go to war, not some damn political convention."

"They're just scared, Shepard, and they want to speak to the man who killed one."

The former Commander snorted. "They took away my ship so that they could play politics. They can go fuck themselves."

Anderson stopped, turning to stare down Shepard. "You know that they had to. You destroyed a whole star system."

"To prevent the fucking Reapers from walking through our back door. To buy us time, which they wasted." He didn't back down from the Admiral's gaze.

"I know that, Shepard. If it weren't for that fact, you would've been court-martialed. Left to rot in a cell." Anderson continued walking.

Shepard followed. "That and your good word?"

"You know I trust you."

They arrived right outside the Committee's chamber. Shepard turned to slap Vega on the back, telling him to keep up the good work. And then he heard Anderson great someone else in the room with, "How did it go in there, Lieutenant Commander Williams?"

He turned quickly, eyes falling on his former teammate. He tasted ash in his mouth...What an ironic way to put it. He swallowed. "Williams."

Her eyes met his. He couldn't read them. Maybe anger. Maybe pain. Maybe both. "Shepard."

"Lt. C, huh?" He raised an eyebrow. "That's new."

"You didn't know?" Anderson asked.

"Yeah...I haven't had time to..." Lieutenant Commander Williams seemed...flustered.

"Yeah, I get it," Shepard replied cooly.

A posted Alliance soldier intervened before things could get anymore awkward, informing them that the Committee was ready to receive Shepard and Anderson. The two entered the chamber. Every head turned to watch them approach the dais.

"What's the situation?" Shepard asked, jumping straight to business. A datapad was thrust into his hand a moment later.

"All our colonies have gone dark," one of the officers answered. "We've lost contact with everything beyond the Sol system...We were hoping you'd tell us."

Shepard snorted. "The Reapers are on their way. You brought me here to confirm what you already know."

"We've got feed from UK HQ," another called out, putting the vid up on the screen.

Shepard felt the gnawing at the back of his head again. He saw destruction. He saw death. He saw the fucking end of the world...The Reapers were ravaging Earth. His home.

"What do we do?" An officer asked.

Shepard snarled. "We fight or we die."

And then one of the harbingers of their doom flew down from the sky, landing in front of the command building. A moment later, a laser burst through the window.


	5. Reinstated

They had been running, shooting, fighting, all the while Earth was starting to burn around them. Death and destruction was raining down from the sky, which was filling with fire from exploding vessels. Shepard could hear his own heartbeat in his ears. Pure adrenaline was rushing through his veins right now. Fight or flight. He wanted to fight, but he had to run.

Anderson had found a way through a building, and Shepard was waiting for him to get a door open. The former Commander took the few precious moments to catch his breath. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw movement in a vent.

He turned quickly, reaching for his gun, thinking that it was a husk, but he stopped. It was a small boy, dressed in a white hoody. He looked afraid.

Shepard bent down in front of him, holding out a hand. "Come here. I have to get you to safety. I'm a soldier. I can help you."

The boy looked Shepard dead in the eye, fear written all over his face, as he whispered, "You can't help me."

"This way, Shepard."

Anderson's words made Shepard's attention snap to elsewhere. When he looked back in the vent, the boy was gone. Shepard wondered if he had seen him at all.

"You all right, son?" the Admiral asked. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

Shepard nodded once. "Yeah, I'm all right. Let's just go." He walked past him to continue on.

They started to cross a gaping hole in the flooring with their backs against the wall, feet fighting for footing on the small part of floor that was left.

"Every minute out there, thousands of people die," Anderson said suddenly. "I won't be responsible for their deaths."

"You're not," Shepard replied. "You can't blame yourself. By the end of this war...If we survive, the body count will be too high to count. But at the end, we fight for those still standing."

"I guess you're right," Anderson grumbled in response. "You've got to go to the council. They have to send their fleets in. They have to help us."

Shepard snorted. "They don't have to do anything. Really think they'll actually listen this time?"

"You're a Spectre. That has to count for something."

Shepard scoffed and shook his head. Then his foot slipped, and he stumbled forward. He thought he was going to fall. A pathetic way to die at the end, all considering, but Anderson held out his hand to push him back, saying, "Woah, son. I've gotcha."

Shepard regained his breath and kept on going, looking back at Anderson with a small smile. "Thanks. I owe you one."

"More than one," the Admiral replied with a small chuckle.

When they were out of the building, a reaper blast destroyed the roof they were standing on. They were sent tumbling, and were soon receiving fire from...Grotesque fucking creatures. Shepard could only think of 'cannibals' to describe them. They took cover, and fought back against the horde, waiting for the Normandy's evac. Finally, it came.

Shepard made a final sprint, Anderson right behind him, and jumped onto the Normandy. Ashley was there to greet him with, "Welcome back, Commander." Vega quickly covered his other side.

Shepard turned around quickly to gaze down at Anderson, who hadn't boarded the ship yet. "Come on! We don't have all day!"

"I'm not going!" He called back.

Shepard was perplexed. "What?!"

"The fight is here, Shepard." The Admiral looked behind his shoulder at the ongoing destruction. "This is where I should be, leading Earth in this war. They need me here more than on the Normandy."

"Then I'm staying too!" Shepard declared. "I'll fight with you, and I'll kill every single Reaper bastard on this planet. I'm not leaving you. I'm not leaving Earth."

"Shepard..." Anderson smiled wearily. "I know you, but...Humanity can't survive this alone. If we're to have a shot in hell of defeating the Reapers, we're going to have to have every species' fleet at our back. Go to the Council. Convince them to help us."

Shepard growled. He didn't want to leave. The battle was here. This was where he belonged. "They won't listen!"

"Make them!" Anderson commanded. "Now leave! That's an order!"

Shepard threw out his arms. "I don't take orders from you, remember?”

The Admiral looked down at his pocket before pulling out a set of new dog tags. He tossed them around in his hand before throwing them to Shepard. "Consider yourself reinstated...Commander."

Shepard caught them, staring at the pieces of metal. They were symbols of his calling. He frowned, realizing what he had to do. "Yes, sir. Watch yourself out there, Admiral. And...good luck."

"You too, Shepard."

The Normandy lifted off, and the Commander couldn't help but to keep his eyes on the battle. He saw the boy from the vent climb into a shuttle taking flight. For a second, he had hope, but then a laser cut clean through the vehicle. He felt a tightness in his chest.

This was war.


	6. Across the Stars

Jack raised the shotgun, tucking it in tightly as she took aim at the vase that sat on the empty desk in front of her. "This is what happens when you don't keep your damn barriers up during combat."

BANG!

The room resonated with the shot after she had pulled the trigger. The vase exploded into fury of pieces, spraying everywhere. "Just imagine those are the pieces of your skull. Now add in your brain matter flying around. Not a nice picture is it?!"

She turned around to face the group of students, resting the gun's muzzle on her shoulder. They responded immediately once they realized she was waiting for a reply, "No, ma'am!"

"Damn right you don't!" Jack replied. She whipped around and stormed over to her desk, where she placed the shotgun down at. "So what do we do during combat, Rodriguez?!"

"Keep our damn barriers up, ma'am!" The student replied quickly.

Jack smirked as she nodded. Her students were learning quickly. Soon they'd be the best biotics in the whole galaxy. She bet they'd even show up those blue Asari bitches. They did have her as a teacher, after all.

She clapped her hands together. "All right. Let's move on-"

"Ma'am!" One of the students from the back called out, Jenkins. "Ma'am! Turn on the TV!"

Jack scowled. She had just been complimenting this bunch in her thoughts. "Are you using your omnitool during class? You know how much I hate that sh-"

"It's about Earth!" Jenkins raised his omnitool into the air, and everyone turned to face him. "It's under attack!"

Frantic, worried talking erupted throughout the room. A lot of them had family or friends on earth...And that's where Shepard was being kept as he awaited trial. Fuck. That was all Jack could think.

The once convict went over to the TV, keeping her steps calm. She had to maintain her composure for her kids. If she started panicking now, they would too. She turned it on and flipped it to the news. The images left the class in silence.

Fire. Destruction. Ruin. Shouting. Gun shots. Ships flying and crashing. Lasers.

And reapers.

Jack's throat felt dry. She felt a hollow place in her heart and sick to her stomach. A hole started to burn and eat away at her insides. "Shepard." It was a quiet plea to whatever fucking sadistic forces that might be watching, that probably didn't even exist.

She clutched at the dog tags that hung around her neck. They weren't hers. They were his, given to her before he fucking left to play soldier. That damn bastard. Fucking Boy Scout. If only he had stayed...If only he had run off with her like she fucking pleaded him to, resisted arrest. Not given in like a damn fucking goodie soldier.

"I have to do this," he had said. "If we want a life together, I have to do this. For you. I fucking love you, Jack."

Stupid fucking idiot.

A tear rolled unchecked down her cheek. She raised a hand to quickly wipe it away, regaining control. She couldn't turn to face her students. They couldn't see her like this. She could only keep her voice even for long enough to say, "Class is dismissed early. Report to your dorms. I'm sure you all have phone calls to make."

"Ma'am-"

"Go, guys. You should be with friends and family right now, in whatever way you can." She closed her eyes for moment before opening them to watch her students pile out of the room.

As soon as they were gone, Jack went over to her private terminal, and called up Sanders. "Have you heard about the attack?"

"Yes, Jack," she replied. She sounded just as rough as Jack felt. "There's panic. I need to get off here. Was there something you needed?"

"Any news on the Vancouver Alliance HQ? On Commander Shepard?" Jack knew it was too much to hope for.

Sanders didn't reply until after a long pause. "He was brought before the committee today...I'm sorry, Jack, but that building...It was hit dead on by a laser."

Jack was silent. She felt as if the end of the galaxy had already happened. "Thanks, Sanders. I'll talk to you later. Good luck with damage control." She ended the comm.

She leaned back in her chair, letting the tears fall freely in solitude now. She knew she couldn't stop them. Her eyes were glued to the screen of the TV, watching every moment of the attack that was broadcasted.

It would've been an awful way to die.

Her eyes fell down to the tags around her neck.

He couldn't just be gone.

The despair she was feeling was too much to deal with. She was about to go out of her fucking mind. And then she saw something in the corner of the screen. A flash of silver. The form of the ship looked familiar...It couldn't be.

Jack grabbed the remote and rewound the broadcast, replaying the last footage and pausing the video. SR2 was painted on the side of the ship. She could barely make it out through the blur and grain, yet she knew it was the Normandy.

Fire burned through her veins. Not anger, but fierce hope. Shepard had fight in him, that she knew, and he had a fighting chance. Shepard could be alive. No, she had to believe he was alive. And he was going to give the Reapers hell.

Jack stood and traced her fingers over the image of her lover's ship. Turning, she walked to the window of the classroom and gazed outside at the stars. "You better be fucking alive, Shepard. You better win this war and come back to me, you fucker."


	7. One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

Hackett's message had barely come through the comm, but Shepard caught enough to understand the orders. And here he was with Williams and Vega on Mars, fighting Cerberus. The bastards had arrived with only a few vehicles...So they had thought they wouldn't need major reinforcements. This was a secure, Alliance facility, which meant...

"This had to be an inside job," Ashley said what he was thinking, but her voice was layered with suspicion.

His eyebrow twitched at what she was implying.

"Commander, I thought you told Cerberus to screw off after you destroyed the Collector Base?" James asked as they headed to an elevator.

"I did. More than that." Shepard was doing his best to keep his voice even, but damn, was it hard. Once everyone was on the platform, he hit a button on the panel to get it moving.

"Shepard, I need a straight answer," Ashley demanded.

"Ash-" Shepard clenched his fists. This was fucking ridiculous.

"Don't Ash me." She pointed a finger at him. "You worked for Cerberus. What, am I just supposed to believe you've cut all ties? Look at this here."

"Shepard has been under constant surveillance for the past six months," James intervened. "There's no way he's had contact with Cerberus since then."

Ashley kept on looking at Shepard, expecting an answer directly from him. The Commander looked her dead in the eye. "I never worked for them. They worked for me. And the only reason I did that was to save humanity from the Collectors, because the Alliance wasn't doing shit."

She just shook her head, looking away.

"And I thought you knew me." Shepard scoffed. Silence fell over them until the elevator opened, and they all stepped outside.

The Commander heard banging, coming from one of the vents. He lead his squad behind cover, readied his weapon, and waited for the fight to come. He leaned out from the side just in time to see an old face jump out of the vent, followed by two Cerberus soldiers. Liara T'Soni hit the two soldiers with a singularity, and immediately finished them off with two bullets.

Shepard grinned as he stood. Vega followed with his weapon raised, but the Commander pushed it down. "Easy there, Lt. You wouldn't want to piss off the Shadow Broker."

"Shadow Broker?" Ashley asked. "Damn..."

"Shepard. Ashley," Liara greeted them, quickly striding to meet them. "I heard about the attack on Earth...I was worried. How's it-"

"Badly," the LC interrupted. "It was...I've never seen that much destruction in my life."

"I'm so sorry." The asari's face was shadowed with concern.

"Yeah..." Shepard shook his head. "But Hackett sent us here. He said the key to defeating the Reapers was here. Well, something similar. Couldn't make out the message that well."

Liara nodded, placing a hand on Shepard's shoulder before leading them to the window. She pointed out a building in the distance. "There. We discovered something stored in the Prothean archives. We believed they were developing a device to defeat the Reapers, but never had the chance to finish it."

"And that's why Cerberus is here," Shepard grumbled. "Of course the Illusive Man couldn't keep his hands off of something that powerful. We have to get there before him."

He started to charge off, but Liara spoke, making him wait. "Agreed, but Shepard, I'm...I apologize for not visiting you during-"

"Liara." He stopped her. "You had more important things to worry about. Like we do now. Let's move."  
\-------

Shepard's finger hardly left the trigger of his gun as he took out his suppressed rage upon every single Cerberus soldier he saw. The blood stained the floor. He left a pile of corpses in his wake.

Now he was waiting. And he hated waiting, yet this wasn't his expertise. Liara was hacking into the system to get a door open, and Ashley was guarding the way they came. To be honest, he was pissed at the whole thing. At Cerberus, at the Reapers, at the new LC, at himself. He was gritting his teeth. It felt like he was losing before he had really begun.

"I should've seen this coming."

Shepard's eyes darted to Liara. "Don't start that."

"And you haven't?" The Shadow Broker asked.

He didn't reply.

"I spent so much time studying the archives...And I missed Cerberus walking through our door." The Asari sounded...Hopeless was the only word he could think of to describe it. "These could be our last days, Shepard, and we could be spending them chasing a hopeless cause."

"No," Shepard growled. "Stop. We still have a chance. As long as we still draw breath, the Reapers have failed. I don't give a shit if it's hopeless or not. I won't go down without a goddamn fight." An image popped into his mind. A face he hadn't seen for half a year. His love. "And I made a promise to someone that I intend to keep."

Liara looked over at him for a few moments before nodding firmly. "You're right. We can't give up...And the door should be opened now."


	8. Death Changes Everything

Another roadblock was thrown in front of the squad as Cerberus shut down the tram system, leaving them stranded on the wrong side of the station. Liara tried to hack through, but obviously it was on a separate network. Shepard growled under his breath. So damn close, and yet Cerberus was once again in his way...

"We can find a comm radio on one of the soldiers," Ashley suggested. The Commander turned to look at her as she continued, "Get them to send a team over here, and then we can take the tram."

"Good thinking, LC," Shepard replied with a small grin. He couldn't help but be impressed, even if he was still pissed at her.

"Right. I'll go find one." She was gone a second later.

Shepard could feel eyes on him, and he turned to see Liara watching him, perhaps with a slightly judgmental expression. He pressed his lips together as he stared back. "What?"

"The Lieutenant Commander has become...quite competent," the Asari answered, dodging what Shepard thought she was really thinking.

His brow twitched as he quickly turned away. "Uh-huh." The world was coming to an end. Was to much to ask for relationship tensions be dropped, damnit?

"I've found something," Ashley called, and Shepard jumped on the opportunity to leave the room, before he said something...Well, that he would normally say.

The LC was crouched next to a dead Cerberus trooper, hands on his helmet. When she saw Shepard, she waved him over. "Here. Bet he has a comm link inside."

"Pillaging the dead." Shepard crouched down next to her. "Guess he doesn't really need it anymore anyways."

"Yeah..." Ashley finally got the helmet to slide open. She jumped back at the sight, hand covering her mouth. "Oh god...He's...a husk!"

Not quite, but damn, was that soldier close. Pale, bruised like skin, with black circles around his glowing blue eyes. That same blue also slashed down his face. Not quite a husk...since they could still function, but to Shepard, the thing wasn't human anymore. Hell, it wasn't even living to him.

"Fucking Cerberus," he growled as he reached for the transmitting device, standing once he had it in his hand.

"That could've been you, Shepard."

Here it was again. Shepard turned around to face Ashley with his face turned to stone. "It wasn't."

"Can you even know?" She asked in disbelief. There was that look on her face again, that mixture of pain and anger. He was starting to hate that look. "You could have been brainwashed...Who knows what sort of chips they put in your head. Maybe you're just an advance VI, AI even, in Shepard's body."

Thoughts he'd had before, all of them. He clenched his fists, keeping his voice even. "What do you want me to say, Ash?"

Silence. Then finally, "I doubt you could say anything to convince me that you're..." She closed her eyes, visibly struggling to get the next words out. "...That you're the man I once loved."

He shook his head as he broke eye contact. "I'm not. Dying changes people. War changes people." He gritted his teeth. "We have the lives of trillions resting on our shoulders. All I know is that I cannot fail, and this is my fight. I will stop the Reapers, and you can stand with me, or you can just stand around watching, bringing up dirt. But I have my duty, and I've made my choice. Now make yours."

"I guess you have," she replied, voice laced with venom.

"Commander? Lieutenant Commander?" Liara had poked around from the corner, choosing a timely intervention. "Did you find the comm link?"

"Yeah," Commander snapped, a bit aggressively. "Let's go."

\------

Finally, after passing through fire and blood, the three entered the archives. The giant disks were...extraordinary. So much history and knowledge, and if they could stop the Reapers, Shepard promised to worship them as his new God.

Liara was quick to get to work on the panel, typing furiously. Then she stopped, exclaiming, "Someone else is in the data."

At that moment, a hologram flew through the air, and an image of the Illusive Man dropped down. The bastard had a cigarette in his hand, and greeted him with, "Shepard. It seems as if you've made a habit out of costing me money, and trying to get in with my way."

Shepard lowered the gun he had pointing at the holo. He wished the coward would show his fucking face so he could blow it off. "We've been over this. Saw your sick work on your lapdogs. Sold out to work for the Reapers?" He scoffed. "It was only a matter of time."

"Your vision, as always, is limited." The Illusive Man's glowing blue eyes stared into Shepard's green ones. "I'm going to put an end to the Reaper threat, but I'm also going to jump humanity's power and influence years into the future. If we controlled the Reaper's power, think of what we could accomplish."

"You're full of shit," Shepard spat. "As always."

"Don't interfere with my plans, Shepard, I won't warn you again."

The image disappeared right after the Commander said, "Fuck off."

"Someone's deleting the data," Liara said frantically. "It has to be being done locally."

Shepard cursed under his breath, turning around to see Ashley approach a booth, confronting someone behind it. Everything after that happened so quickly. The LC hit the floor, and the scientist was running past them a second later. Shepard was about to help up Ashley, but she wave him off, yelling at him to go. So he did.

He chased after the Cerberus operative. His heartbeat thumped in his ears. His breathes came in rapid gasps. And he kept running, knowing that he could not let that data get out of his hands. His squad was right behind him.

Yet he was too slow, and he saw the bitch climb into a shuttle and lift into the air. He was going to make the jump, probably die in the process, but at least do it, but then his shuttle crashed down into their shuttle. Over his head, the two collided on the platform. Fire and debris flew around him.

He rose to his feet, glancing around to make sure his crew was okay, before checking out the damage. "Fuck! You know how to make an entrance, Lt. Call the Normandy in. Have Joker pick us up."

"She's getting away!" Shepard turned to see Ashley charge at the operative, who had survived the crash, walking out of the fire.

He tried to yell for her to stop, but it was too late. The robotic operative had grabbed her head, and slammed it down against the shuttle's door. Over and over again. Shepard took out his pistol and shot. Bam! Bam! Bam! Bam!

And then he dropped his gun, rushed to Ashley's side, and fell down next to her. He picked her up in his arms, his squadmate, his former lover, one of his best friends, and carried her onto the Normandy, telling her to hold on. Just to hold on.

In the med bay, he stood over her body, frozen. In his mouth he tasted the bitterness of failure and defeat, regret and guilt.

Liara slammed her hands down, looked him straight in the eye. "Ashley needs medical attention."

He didn't respond.

"We have to leave the sol system," she insisted.

This was the first real, sour taste of the war. And only more were to come. He couldn't have the easy death on Earth, the warrior's death. No, this was what he had to do. Finally, he looked up, gripping the edge of the bed. "Set a course to the Citadel."


	9. Nightmares

_He was a little kid again, barely above five. He could tell because he'd been in this room before, the room that smelled of must and old books, sitting on a piano bench. His feet couldn't touch the ground. His fingers were hovering over the slick, old keys, and a woman was sitting next to him, guiding him through a song._

_She was smiling, and he was laughing, until she started coughing. She held a handkerchief up to her mouth, and when she pulled it away, he could see the speckles of blood stained upon the cloth._

_And then the house melded away as her figure caught flame. Another scene formed around him, a dark forest. He was as he was now, a grown man, and he wore his armor. He arrived on his hands and knees, panting._

_He could hear a child in the distance, and he saw a flash of red. The ominous hum that told him Reapers were near. So he ran throughout the forest; his feet dragged against the ground as he tried to find this boy. He knew he had to find him before they came to kill them all._

_He finally caught up with the child, and he held out his hand. But then the sky turned red. There came that booming of a low growl. And the boy started to burn. He had been the child on Earth, but in the last second, his face molded into the boy’s that played the piano..._

Shepard woke in a cold sweat, gasping as he sat up quickly. He ran his hands over his head, tugging at his hair, mumbling to himself. "Just a dream...Just a dream..."

He heard a knock on the door and jumped up. "Yeah?"

"Commander?" It was Liara. "Are you all right? May I come in?"

"Yeah...Just a sec." He went to the bathroom, quickly wiping off with a towel, before throwing on a pair of sweats and t-shirt. He stepped outside his cabin a second later to greet the asari. "What's up?"

"We're almost at the Citadel..." She eyed him up and down, like she knew something was up. "Shepard...is everything all right?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." He grumbled, rubbing the back of his neck. He couldn't look her in the eyes.

"You've always been a bad liar." She smiled softly, yet it was clear she was concerned. "Shouldn't you know better than to lie to the Shadow Broker?"

"Just a bad dream," Shepard responded with a sigh. He knew it was pointless to resist. "There was a kid back on Earth that I couldn't..." He growled, shaking his was as he tightened his fists. "And Ash...She was under my command. I should've-"

"It wasn't your fault," Liara stated firmly. "And what's happening on Earth isn't your fault. Williams will pull through...If anyone can survive on will alone, it's her. But you can't blame yourself."

He ran his tongue over the back of his teeth, breaking eye contact. "Yeah, you're right..."

The elevator door opened at that moment, and a new crew member, he guessed by the uniform, stepped out onto the deck. She blinked as she saw the two before her, and nervously started to stutter, "Oh! I didn't know anyone else was up here. Didn't mean to intrude. I'll just-"

"It's all right," Shepard said, waving a hand. "Liara here was just informing me we were near the Citadel. What do you need?" He was jumping at the opportunity to end the previous conversation.

The Shadow Broker looked at him, like she knew his last comment to her had been a lie, but she took the message. "I'll go organize the data retrieved from the Cerberus bot." She nodded before exiting to the elevator.

"I'm Specialist Traynor, Commander," the crewman introduced herself, snapping a salute. "I was a part of Normandy's retrofits team...I can give you a tour of the upgrades, if you'd like."

"Go ahead, Specialist," the Commander responded. "And for fuck's sake, relax."


	10. How Many Councilors Does It Take To Screw Over Earth?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know that thing called life? Yeah, it happened. But I aim to finish this over winter break.

Shepard followed the stretcher to the hospital, feeling a gut-wrenching sickness within him. Ashley had suffered severe damage. He couldn't help but feel like it was his fault. He should've been the one. She was his teammate, his responsibility. And he had edged her on the whole mission with vile arguments.

His. Fucking. Fault.

He stood by her bedside, resting his hand on the railing. He couldn't stand to look at her face. He swallowed hard before speaking softly, even though he knew she couldn't hear him. "Hey...I know we left things...Well, shit, I'm sorry about everything that's happened. But you've always been a great friend...And I hope..." He sighed in frustration, aimed at himself, at the situation, at everything. "I hope we can still have that...Once you're better, we'll talk. You deserve that. And I know you'll pull through this. You're stubborn and strong."

He just stood there with his head lowered until he heard the hospital room door open, and Liara's gentle voice. "Shepard? I'm sorry to interrupt, but...the Council is waiting."

The Commander turned his head to look at her, nodding once, before following her out. He grabbed a doctor before he left, telling him, "Take care of her. If you need anything, -anything-, let me know."

He was silent during the ride to the Tower. Liara was watching him with concerned-filled eyes.

"You did all you could, Shepard," she said.

He scoffed. "Yeah."

When they arrived at their destination, he stormed through the hall and up the stairs until he stood in front of the three people who had been his biggest roadblock for the past few years. The Shadow Broker had scrambled to keep up with him. He looked up at the three faces with an obvious expression of disdain. "The Reapers are here. Earth's under attack. There's no more time for you to sit on your asses. It's time to act."

"Commander, might I remind you who you're speaking to?" The turian growled, whining like he always did.

"You can, but it won't do any fucking good," Shepard snapped right back. He wasn't in the mood for this bullshit.

Liara grabbed his arm, tightening her grip around his limp to the point where it was painful. She shot him a look before addressing the circus, "We have news to share with you, Council."

"I hope it's about how to end this war," the asari answered her.

"It is." The Shadow Broker brought up her omnitool, displaying the blueprints of the Reaper doomsday device. "This is a device the protheans were working to build during their cycle. They believed it could destroy the Reapers, but never finished it. It'll be a massive undertaking, but we can't defeat the Reapers by conventional means."

Shepard pointed at the hologram, staring straight at the Council. "This is how we win the war. We need everyone contributing, and we need support for Earth to keep the Reapers busy as we get the damn thing built."

The Council turned their heads to look at each other, and at that second, Shepard knew he was fucked. The salarian spoke first, "And when we send our fleets to defend Earth, the Reapers will attack our own home worlds. And the materials alone for this device will destroy our economies."

Shepard shook his head, clenching his teeth and fists. He couldn't believe this. He just...couldn't...fucking...believe this. "You can't do this. I know by now, you're used to committing genocide, but you will not do it to my home!" His voice had become a yell, and Liara wasn't going to stop him. "The Reapers won't stop at Earth. You're all fucking next, yet, by then, my people won't be there to save your asses. You do this, and you damn the galaxy!"

"Commander!" The turian was eager to try to tell him off again. "Watch your-"

The asari cut him off quickly, "The simple, sad truth, Commander, is that while Earth is attacked, we have time to fortify our own planets. Once our borders are secure, we'll reconsider sending help to Earth."

'Fuck you' came to Shepard's mind, along with several other profane insults. But he didn't even give them the satisfaction of a reply. He turned around and stormed off.

 

\---- 

Shepard soon received a comm that basically ordered him to Udina's office. Bullshit after bullshit. When he arrived, the turian councilor was there as well. It was a room full of motherfuckers he hated.

What came next really set a blaze in Shepard's eyes. After that charade in the Council chambers, after dooming Earth, the turian was practically begging him to rescue his Primarch. Because Palaven was burning.

The darkest place of his mind said to let it burn, but Shepard gritted his teeth. He was better than that, better than this asshole in front of him. So he agreed, in hopes that the turians would remember.


	11. Ghosts Won't Stay Dead

"Hey, guys! Ha! Shepard's punched another reporter!"

Jack walked into Grissom's student lounge, leaning against the doorframe as she peered over the couch at the TV. The news was airing a story about the Commander, and they were replaying him punching the reporter in the gut. Jack would've laughed, but he looked tense. On edge. If he was on the Citadel, it meant he was there to speak to the Council...It didn't go well. Shit.

At least she knew now that he was alive. Fucker should've reached out to her.

"You shouldn't be watching this sh-" Jack cleared her throat. "Stuff. I know there's a war going on, but you shouldn't be letting this crap get inside your head. Besides, it's past curfew, isn't it?"

"Uh, yes, ma'am, it is," the student replied sheepishly.

"Then get your ass to bed!"

"Yes, ma'am!" A second later, the couch was empty, and Jack was shaking her head with a smile on her face. She continued walking through the student quarters, checking the doors to make sure her kids were asleep and alright.

When she was satisfied, she headed back to her own small apartment at the academy. It was little more than a bedroom with a kitchen, but it was the closest thing to home she'd had for a while. She threw her jacket on the back of a chair, took off her shoes, and went to the shower, quickly washing away the day's grit and sweat from the intense training session she'd lead her students through. And then, after throwing on a pair of sweats and tank, she fell into her bed.

Her eyes drifted down to the dog tags around her neck, she snorted, but then kissed the cool metal before closing her eyes...

She was scared. Shaking. Hours and hours she had spent screaming and scratching at the window, but no one outside would pay her any attention. She knew the white coats would be coming soon. They hadn't come for her for a few days, but they would today. She had to get away.

So she hid. Under the desk, she felt safe, but she knew it was a lie. The tears ran down her cheeks as she shook and rocked, hugging her knees. She didn't want them to come. But she soon heard them at the door. It creaked open. Footsteps.

A blur. She was in a warehouse on some back-space colony. They were kicking in the door, coming to kill her. She couldn't find her gun. And then it was gone, a mere scene in her head. The guards had come to drag her to prison, drag her off to be frozen. She wouldn't go without a fight. She needed a gun.

And then she was back under the desk, searching on the ground for her damn gun. She needed it, yet she didn't know why. She was afraid, but didn't know what of.

And the desk was tossed over her head. She screamed, thinking it was the white coats, but then she looked up. She immediately felt relief. The knight in shining N7 armor reached out for her as he kneeled, and she wrapped her arms around him, burying her face against his metal.

Her hands went up, ripping off Shepard's helmet and throwing it to the ground. Her heart stopped at why she saw underneath.

His face...Looked like a husk's. And it was covered in blood. Dark rings around his hollowed out eyes, his skin a grayish tint, and when he opened his mouth, crimson poured out, splattering onto her shoulder.

Jack jerked up in her bed, waking up with a violent tremble. She was sweating as she brushed a stray strand of hair out of her face, taking in deep breaths to calm herself. She couldn't get the damn thought out of her head.

She slid out of bed and exited her room, making another 'round to check on her students to get her mind off of it.


End file.
